before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
