i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
