Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
