I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
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Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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