Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
