Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
