like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
