I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he was CRYING into my vagina
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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