Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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