My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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