I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
