last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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