You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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