He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
