I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
