i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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