I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
