you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize