I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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