I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
