If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
