For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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