I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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