Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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