If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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