Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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