she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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