hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
