So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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