Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
