Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
