Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I CAN MOONWALK!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
