Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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