so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
