My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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