from now on my penis is your penis
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
