Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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