What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
