i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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