Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
