Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How naked do you want me to be?
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