and you said cock pushups were impossible
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
