I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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