why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
