i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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