Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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