why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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