You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
