it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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