Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
