i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
