You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
