Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
handjob tips. give me some.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
