i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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