I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
