So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
