I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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