She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
