Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
