How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
