I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
