Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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