yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
