my sisters under your porch take her home
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
